Inspire Others: Share Your Recovery Story

Each one of us has a story—stories of hope, fear, humor, struggle, and triumph—Stories of recovery. Put a new “face” on recovery when you share your personal journey towards wellness. Be a part of the 2011 Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) Facing Us Video Contest in a way that’s as unique as you are:

• Deliver a personal monologue.
• Sing it in a song.
• Say it with a poem.
• Act out a play with friends.
• Use illustration or animation.
• Create a comedy act.

Judging will be based on the impact of submissions rather than the quality of filming. So, get out your personal video cameras and have some fun! Between May 21, 2011 and September 5, 2011, you can submit your video online at www.FacingUsContest.org and have a chance to win cash prizes:

1st place = $500
2nd place = $300
3rd place = $200

Put your best face forward this summer! Visit www.FacingUsContest.org or download the flyer for more information!

I dove into life off the starting block, gliding through the water. It washes smoothly across my skin. With a strong flutter kick, I break the surface of the water. My arms reach out and push the water, steadily moving forward, propelling myself into life. The flip turns of each lap give added speed. Pushing off the wall, keeping myself propelled into the future, with each turn I make.

Somewhere, I seem to have taken a breath while my face was still under water and everything that I once knew, the path I once followed, disappeared. I struggle against the water rather than flowing through it. Thrashing rather than gliding, gasping, choking, coughing, no longer rhythmic breathing. I’m no longer in the race, not the race that I was in, when I dove in off the starting block.

Rolling with the waves of new terminology, and a lot to think about. Can I get better, will I get better, do people get better? The present buzzword is recovery, so let us define what it is I’m recovering from. For the purpose of this article, I’m writing about mental health, mental illness, my diagnosis.

With that explained, let’s look at a few questions, am I in Recovery? On the surface, this is really quite a simple question, or at least it should be. I’m not sure whether I really know the answer or not, but if I have to take a stab at it than I will say, “I’m not in recovery.”

When I think about recovery, I think of a broken bone that has mended, and no longer needs a cast or splint to support it. It’s working, supporting muscles and tissue or allowing us to move hold things and lift things, get around, and perform tasks that we could do prior to the break. Recovered. More commonly, most all of us have recovered from a cold, poison ivy or sunburn.

Next question, what stage of recovery are you in?  Stage, recovery? Okay, so I will use the term recovery for now and the 5 stages of recovery as Michigan Peer Support Specialists learn them. I’ve already dealt with the effects of the onset of the illness (Impact). I accept that I have a mental illness and acknowledge it. I want to be better (Change is Possible). I want to be self-sufficient, self-sustaining, and not dependent on others to provide for my basic needs. I’m looking to the future (Commitment to Change). I’m making plans and pursuing the plan and goals made, I took steps towards these goals, and fell flat on my face (Action for Change). A belly flop rather than a cannonball. I want to have the freedom to not report how much money I made, or am earning or may make this month or next month or the next. To swim at my pace and speed daily rather than always being coached, preparing myself for the starting block. I want the ability to be able to deal with stress in life events without stumbling or needing a timeout or a haven of safety (Life is Limited). I want friends, I want relationships with other people who return that friendship, love, empathy, companionship – and a hug once in a while would help as well. I want to be on the team again. In shape for the races that come our way but enjoying the workout as I feel my body responding to the drag of the water. The strength I feel as I enter the water. Exhausted from giving it my all, a teammate reaching down to help me from the depth of the pool, limp from exerting myself, of giving my all. Knowing that the strength will return, my heart will slow down and I will have the strength to enter the next race when it arrives.

Am I in recovery? I’m really not sure if I can ever recover from the situation. I don’t think I can mend the illness or that anyone else can. My mind isn’t broken, although there is definitely something not right with it. Now if we are speaking about recovering from the events that my mental illness has caused my life, I truly hope I’m beginning the path of recovery, or maybe I’ve been on it for a long, long time. I hope I’m on the path, and I really hope that I’m nearing the end of my journey. It has been a terribly long journey, with the path stretching before me, through fields and forests, over rivers and waterways. The destination is on the horizon. Farther than I can see, disappearing on the other side of Lake Michigan, Wisconsin…

The hurt, the loss, the suffering, and oh, yes, humility. Pride is gone, for one must humble themselves to seek the help that may or may not be there. The help that existed on the onset or discovery of the affliction that would walk beside me throughout the rest of my life has disappeared. Long-suffering. I have no choice or no choice acceptable by the common people of this world. So I persevere on this path strewn with barriers.

So no, I am not in recovery, but I am on the path to wellness, working on improving and maintaining my health. Good habits, good nutrition, exercise, fresh air, peace, tranquility, gratitude and communing with nature and all that surrounds me. Faith and Hope, that there is a future where the sun shines and the rain refreshes the earth, and the winds blow, filling my sails, propelling me across the water to a place of contentment. The journey is to be enjoyed on the way towards the destination, but it is difficult, enjoying the barriers, and keeping the destination solidly in front of me.  I invite you to join me in this journey, feel what I feel, see what I see, live with what I live with and without. I invite you to experience it completely. Will you embrace it or will you turn away?
I am searching and working actively on wellness, striving to recover. Not from the illness but from that which I have lost and need to heal from, the pain of the losses. I walk daily with my affliction, either next to me, leading me or as my shadow. Even though my illness is with me always. I am first and foremost a mom, an employee… a neighbor and a member of your community. A very lonely and isolated member, but a member nevertheless. I have a mental illness, but I am not the ILLNESS!

Throughout my life, I dealt with two main narcissistic people: a family member and my ex-husband, who was horribly violent with himself and inflicted his anger to the rest of us daily. From a life of Domestic Violence and hard physical work, I deal with pain daily. I have had 18 surgeries and breast cancer twice; but I think that all my physical pain will never, ever match my mental pain. Throughout all of this time, it has been my strong faith in God which has sustained me to keep on going in life.

It has been harder for me to deal with life the last three years than it was to home school my boys all their lives. If CMH wasn’t there, I know that I easily could have tried suicide a few times and now that scares me; but with the different medications that I was put on to help me deal with this world and literally my own ‘little’ world, I’m very pleased to say my future allows me another chance to live a totally different kind of life – one where I think about me and what my needs are, instead of 25 years of constantly being violated by my ex-husband.

I do have to say just how much I have learned about Domestic Violence, the severe depression that never seems to leave me, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Through my therapists, many different classes at CMH and the Psychiatrist, I can clearly see that I have been able to get a little better and that says lots for me! I have a saying that I use only at the lowest of my points, which is, ‘I am slipping into darkness.’  It’s a time which I know I’ll have to work much harder to keep myself going. One thing many people do not understand about P.T.S.D. is that it isn’t just the Veterans or people who witness a horrible event in their life, but it is also for a person like me who has been plagued by Domestic Violence and all the Narcissism I’ve dealt with most of my life.

I used to think that I would be selfish to allow myself anything in my marriage because of how my ex-husband treated me. How he treated me made me constantly feel guilty. I still deal with guilt, whether it is warranted or not. It’s like a hovering helicopter over my head that keeps me remembering everything. Here are the different types of ‘tools’ that I have had to acquire all of my life to help me pitch out the negative:

1. Imaginary backpack in which I would throw harsh, horrible things knowing I would have to deal with them at another time. The fake backpack was my ‘safety net’ of sorts.
2. My strong will and independent spirit along with strong convictions.
3. My sense of humor. On the outside I just acted like all was well and my humor got me out of many different sad times.
4. Labrador Retrievers. I don’t believe I need to say more, but, throughout the marriage I worked with a breeder and we would have 1-3 dogs constantly at home and I cannot tell you how much those dogs meant to me and were such a comfort constantly. They were beautifully bred and we did have the three different colors. I would say to myself sometimes, ‘Those dogs mean so much more to me than my husband.’
5. My absolute wonderful way to help me cope was with my favorite – LAKE  MICHIGAN! Whenever life was tough I would actually stop what I was doing, close my eyes and take five or so minutes just to think about ‘Sleeping Bear Dunes’ and the public beaches all around the dunes.
6. SUNSETS. The sunsets are FREE and just magnificent to watch the sun slip down so slowly into the lake! There were so many different colors for just a little while and my mind constantly thinks of those beautiful sunsets. I would imagine staring at the delicate line of water meeting the sky while the sun constantly moved with the earth’s rotation. Nobody would bother me and it was worth at least a million dollars to me! I’m instantly happier and then I go back to whatever it is I was doing, knowing that my sad/bad thoughts ten or so minutes earlier were just a distant memory.

I have also learned that I’m not at all ashamed about going to CMH. The barrier of long ago (and even today) with the Psychiatric Hospitals and all of the negative things that happened at them is what many still cannot seem to get out of their minds and they are afraid to even talk about psychiatric things because they have been so misinformed all their lives. That stereotype needs to be changed into what is NOW ‘out there’ for everyone; how CMH is so much a vital center where anybody can go for mental help.

For me, CMH has been a major source to learn new skills to help me get beyond the thoughts that rule my brain and my old ways of thinking so now I can immediately think back to the different skills I’ve learned and get rid of the sad and frightening thoughts. Just three years ago I really wanted to be dead, and when I think of that now, I just shake my head in wonder. I think of right now and see how much I’ve learned and grown. It’s so beyond my imagination. Now is the time to go on, and I truly mean GO ON, with life, knowing what my strengths are. I want to help others try to cope with their own problems because I’ve had enough of my own. Each day brings about different kinds of success; I’m willing to keep on learning and doing because it all does work.

I have a long way to go and I have totally learned what it means to take ‘one day at a time’; I’m so much more aware that my future is very bright, all because CMH has taught me many new ‘tools’ with which to work.

The film festival is sponsored by the New York Association of Psychiatric Rehabilitation Services and Community Access, a supportive housing organization. The festival is focused on mental health recipients and the arts.

To See What I See is a 20-minute documentary which highlights the Northern Lakes Community Mental Health Stigma Busters Project, where people who have experienced mental health issues use art, “photobiographies,” and writing to inspire others to understand them, to hope, and to spread the word that recovery from a mental illness is possible.

The movie was written and directed by Mary Pierce of Traverse City and edited by Jeff Morgan of Prometheus Motion Pictures, with technical advice from Deb Freed of Freed Communications of Suttons Bay and Cynthia Petersen of Northern Lakes Community Mental Health. Shawn Semelsberger of Traverse City narrated the film.

Pierce said, “I was humbled to be a part of this experience and the opportunity to work with people who were so willing to share the most difficult experiences of their lives – for their own healing and the healing of others with mental illness. They demonstrated a determination and fortitude, through their artistic achievements, in the face of challenges.”

Morgan said, “Working on this project is one of my proudest moments, and I feel so privileged to be a part of this message. Slowly but surely we can all start evaluating each other by who we are and what we do, not by the labels given to us.”

The film was produced by Northern Lakes CMH with the support of a mental health services block grant from the Michigan Department of Community Mental Health, provided by the federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Center for Mental Health Services.

To See What I See is available for purchase or download at FilmBaby.com.

A second film on recovery from a mental illness, “Look Closer: See Me For Who I Am,” was recently released by Northern Lakes CMH on FilmBaby.com and on the Northern Lakes’ YouTube channel at www.YouTube.com/NorthernLakescmh. More information may be accessed at www.NorthernLakesCMH.org.

I deal with anger and stress management on a daily basis. Dealing with my illness is not easy for me; I’ve been on the road to recovery for a while now. I try to express my concerns and feelings on paper. It is very hard for me to express them out loud to others.

I am currently enrolled in recovery classes at Northern Lakes Community Mental Health in the Houghton Lake office. Whenever I get stressed or upset about something, I try to work it out using journaling or working on my hobbies. I try to relieve my stress by sewing or doing some crafts or plastic canvas work. I also have been teaching myself how to knit. I like doing some work in my garden, needle crafts, painting, sewing, cooking and baking, and scrapbooking. I also like taking road trips downstate to visit my family and friends, playing games on the computer, reading, writing letters to the ones I love, taking pictures with my camera, drawing and coloring. All these things help me feel good about myself.

I am also learning other ways to raise my self-esteem so I can live a better lifestyle. I know I need to avoid people and things that lower my level of confidence and do things that help me feel good about myself. I enjoy going to the groups that meet at Northern Lakes and sometimes I volunteer at an area resale store. I also share my problems with my mother and she is understanding and has a way with her words that inspire me to keep working hard towards my recovery process. I also would like to thank my Case Manager, Julie; Dr. Melvin; Barb, the Nurse; and Andrea from Riverhouse for everything they have done for me.

I have four pets – three cats and one dog – and they help me unwind every morning and afternoon and are very precious to me. My fiancé and his family are very supportive in helping me stay on my journey. I have learned that sometimes we all need help and CMH opened the door to help me begin my recovery process, but I was the one who had to decide that I wanted to walk through that door to start the next step. I am happy with the way things are going for me and I will continue my progress.

“More than just a series, it’s a multi-platform outreach campaign extending over the next two years to create awareness, understanding and solutions surrounding emotional well-being. This is a unique opportunity to leverage the power of media to affect societal change — in this case, in the area of mental health and emotional well-being.”

The series explores ways to improve our social relationships, cope with emotional issues, and become more positive, resilient individuals.

We encourage you to explore the links in this post for more information – watch the shows, sign up to be part of the ongoing community of information. You can be part of a groundbreaking campaign to connect people with information, and also to connect people with peer support that is so key to emotional wellness!

Opening Reception
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
3:00 to 7:00 p.m.

Having to deal with difficulty is something we all share. This stunning show celebrates that recovery is possible for everyone.

Whether it is depression, anxiety or some other mental illness, physical illness, developmental disability, trauma, divorce, miscarriage, loss of a loved one, loss of employment, abuse, accident, violence, injury, or something else, everyone recovers from something at some time during their lives.

People from northern Michigan who are currently recovering or have already recovered from something have submitted very moving pieces of art created as part of the recovery process.

As an extra bonus during the reception, we will be premiering 15 short videos created by local people sharing their stories of hope, inspiration and recovery.

The show continues through November 30 at the Inside Out Gallery (229 Garland, Traverse City). The gallery is open Tuesday through Saturday.

• Sadness, crying spells
• Changes in appetite
• Irritable or angry
• Loss of energy or concentration
• Change in sleep pattern
• Feeling guilty, worthless
• Thoughts of death or suicide
• Unable to concentrate
• Not enjoying thing you used to
• Accelerated use of alcohol or drugs

I said yes to most of the statements! I had gone months of not knowing what was wrong. Talking with my clergy, attending services more often, feeling the need to confess the same thing over and over again and yet how could this be depression as my priest mentioned? I had made an attempt on my life as a teen and wasn’t diagnosed. Seeing these questions I immediately made an appointment to see my physician a.s.a.p. Maybe depression was the problem, I answered yes to most of the statements. Something needed to change.

Mental Illness Awareness. How many people do not know what a mental illness is enough to recognize a true mental health problem? I didn’t. Medical people in my life only appeared to deny the possibility and yet there it was. I truly wish I had known sooner. I may have had a less severe form of depression that was not treatment resistant. It might not have changed my life quite as dramatically as it did over time.

So today I am taking the time to mention Mental Illness Awareness and how necessary it is. Just as we all need to be aware of changes on our skin, symptoms of diabetes and monthly breast exams, colonoscopies and mammograms. We need to take charge of our mental health, and know a little, so we can look further if necessary for ourselves, a loved one or a friend. Mental illnesses affect 1 in 5 people directly. My life affects many, as does the suicide of our friends, and the circle widens. There is help out there and it all begins with a little knowledge to begin with and the willingness to speak to others if needed. What we don’t recognize in ourselves, others may, if we’re open to talking about what is happening in our life.

I continue to talk to the correct people and pursue my dreams. The dreams are a bit different than they used to be and I’m thrilled when I can help someone avoid the stumbling blocks along the way in their wellness. When they get better and begin to live their path of recovery, that is all the better yet.

Take a look at the mental health information on “Learn” tab on the home page of this site.