It was 1979. I was in a private college. I was heavily into drugs – cocaine, hashish, pot, and acid. What pushed me over the edge was speed. I took a lot. I didn’t sleep for two weeks. I had a psychotic break. I thought I was the messiah. I went down to Illinois to get help from a pastor at a church. I was hallucinating terribly. I thought I was making people’s spines millions of degrees hot. Sometimes I felt suicidal. I cut my wrist several times. The surroundings at the hospital were unreal. In the hospital in Kankakee, Illinois, I started cutting myself. In 1975 to 1987 or so I cut myself a lot.

I was with CMH when I learned to stop cutting myself. For several years I was able to get help before I wanted to cut myself. Eventually I was able to do that on my own. Now for eight years I haven’t cut myself.

I am full of hope for myself. I am learning to direct myself and love myself. Sometimes things get a little rough but nothing like it was long ago. I stay positive and hopeful for my future.